Shits and Giggles

Ross sent me one of those chain emails with funny shit..it brightened my day..here are a couple I thought you would enjoy, if you haven't already recieved this particular email 783 times already.















And if you don't pass it on to 31 people within 2.6 seconds, you will die a painful horrible death and burn in hell for all eternity. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

The most perfect wedding dress...cancel the dove ceremony

So..me being the brilliant absolute genius that I am..decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and find the most perfect wedding dress...on the Internet.


After months of browsing the web, I came upon .. the most perfect wedding dress. I found a local shop, that did not actually carry the dress..but could order it for me and would include alterations for the same price I would pay by ordering it myself.


Now... most "brides to be" want to make absolutely sure that they have the most perfect wedding dress, on what is the most special day of their lives..right? So what do they do?? They drag their posse to 15 different dress shops and try on 3000 dresses until they put that one on..you know the one.... that just "takes your breath away".. But not me .. being the genius that I am...I go ahead and order this dress, sight unseen..without even trying on a single other dress.


My dress arrives and I go in for my first fitting, and the dress is gorgeous...on the freaken model on the freaken website...but on me...not so much.


Now...I have lived with the effects that gravity and child birth have had on my boobs for over ten years now. I am WELL aware that I cannot pull off anything that does not allow me to wear ample support, so don't ask me why I thought it would be ok to chose a strapless dress with a low back that did NOT allow the use or provide any type of support for my gravity challenged boobs. Those boobies are going down, and by god, they are taking that dress with them!!


The cute little laddies pull and prod and pin the crap out of the dress and assure me that once they take this in here and that in there and move that down there and adjust this here...the dress will stay where it should.


The next two weeks are spent having recurring nightmares of getting my wedding pictures back like this...
















just replace the doves with some of my "vicious" dance moves.


I went in for my second fitting this past Saturday, armed with my most outspoken, honest and picky friend. After 15 minutes of not being able to fit the dress over my hips, or over my head..we call for assistance..5 min later after much wriggling and much sucking in..we manage to get it on and zipped up. Now that it's tight enough to cut off all circulation from the chest down..you would think it would win the battle with the boobs and stay in freaken place...but no. Nope..


Boobs 2
Dress a big fat freaken 0.


The result...the dress will now have straps, and is being taken in another inch. I'm desperately hoping that I fall in love with it during my 3rd fitting..because right now...I'm freaking out!!

Stay tuned...

baa baa black sheep

OK..everyone has a blog..I want a blog too..(insert sheep noises). I managed to post the most deceiving picture of the three of us I could find. Christmas circa 07..first time I have EVER sent out Christmas cards complete with creepy family photo. People are accusing me of having become domestic. I'm still fighting it tooth and nail, but I am afraid it's creeping in and taking over..I am after-all blogging for Christ's sake!! Now, lucky you..get to witness my decent into the insanity! Enjoy the ride!

Here are some more honest pictures...














4th of July..shortly after this picture was taken we walked to the beach to watch fireworks, where Ross proceeded to pass out, face down in the sand. He awoke 20 minutes later with no idea where he was, or how he managed to get there. Yes...I'm VERY proud.


This pretty much sums it up.