Next Time...Leave It To The Professionals

And now..another act of sheer genius..brought to you by D-licious.

Background: I am possibly the most stubborn person on the planet..wait, no..that's my mom, but I come a very very close second. When I decide I'm going to do something, then by god..I will not STOP until I am done, and I will do it better than anyone else.

So, in an effort to keep the wedding budget to a minimum, I brilliantly decided that it would be a good idea, to go ahead and attempt to wax...at home..by myself....with no help...and a $10 waxing kit.

Three and a half hours, twenty six thousand eight hundred and ninety six cuss words, fifty two strips, four thousand and one grunts and yanks, and a full jar of wax later...my armpits and my bikini line (which are still not completely hairless)...look like they have been thoroughly scrubbed with industrial strength sand paper. And to top it all off, I can't put my arms down now without screaming out in pain and tears welling up in my eyes...and I had to wear my softest pair of granny panties to work.

Thank you....D-licious....fucking...genius.

The Hip-Hop Hater Club

D-licious has always been a hip-hop hater. Hate the rap..hate the hip hop..hate most pop..Ok.. I'll admit that I'm some-what of a music snob. Ross likes to put it this way.."If you have heard of them, then D-dicious doesn't like them". If it's mainstream...I'm likely to turn my nose up at it, as snobs are prone to do.

So you will imagine my surprise when our local public radio station (because mainstream hater refuses to listen to any other radio station) played a hip-hop song..and I completely fell in love with it!!! I RAN from my car, through the front door, straight to the computer and pulled them up on MySpace. Directly after filling my ears with this delicious new spin on the genre, whilst bouncing around in my chair, waving my arms above my head all white girl gangsta-ish...I bought their album on iTunes...and now I'm hooked. I've been playing it in my car non-stop..I'm the retard in the car next to you bobbing her head up and down and smiling like an idiot.

I'm feeling somewhat generous today, so I thought I would share them with all of you so you can fall in love with them too!! This isn't the song that made me love them, but youtube didn't have it...so click here for their MySpace page and listen to Miss Cindy.



Now THAT is the kind of jam a white girl can really groove to. And the penguin-walk dead arm swing...I'm totally stealing that move.

Get That Bitch Off The Stage!!

All right...it's been a while..I knooooooow!! So here's a little glimpse into the life and times of D-licious this past month.


My company tanked last month leaving me jobless and two paychecks down 4 weeks before my VERY expensive and not quite paid for wedding. So..I panicked..took a deep breath..panicked..panicked some more..sent out my resume..panicked....and 8 interviews and three weeks later..I got a new job...In a meat locker..where I sit in a chair... in front of a computer all day....and FREEZE...with my co-workers who are all apparently polar bears. I find I have to be very cautious with my hands lest my fingers..which are now icicles...should shatter into tiny little pieces. And that's that. Better opportunities are on the horizon, but this will have to do...for now.
















My totally AWESOME sister and friends threw Ross and I a wedding shower and subsequent separate bachelor and bachelorette parties...
complete with party bus and a giant blow-up penis!

















Our first stop of the night was a gay club, where my sister...being "the sister" that she is...thought it would be cute to make me get up on stage and dance...by myself...in front of a large group a lesbian women, fully adorned in blow penis and "bride to be" paraphernalia.

















Now...apparently...gay women... are not such big fans of the penis... and while I usually find myself warmly embraced by the gay community...my reception was not well received....to say the least. As I stood on that stage and awkwardly gyrated my hips..doing my most very best to be sexy....I could not recall a moment in my life when I have ever felt so humiliated....(wait...maybe that one time)...oh .. Nope..NEVER. If daggers could be flung from eye balls, I would not be here today to tell this horrid tale folks...and that little plastic penis you see dangling in the picture (may he rest in peace)...COMPLETELY annihilated by one angry chick's teeth......so maybe that was the whole point..the whole "let's humiliate the dumb bride" thing..I get it...but no...THAT WAS NOT GOOD!!!

The rest of the night was followed by getting kicked out of a club because one of our party was so trashed, she kept falling over...someone cried...someone threw up on the party bus...someone got left in the strip club...we met up with the guys...and ended the night in my most favorite spot..The Castle...and I made out with the hottest man alive!!!! All in all...a great night...except maybe the whole angry lesbians part.















So here we are...one week from today we take off for Key West...In exactly 11 days I will Mrs. El-Dangerosso. I'm losing my mind with excitement. I thought I would be little more freaked out and nervous about the whole thing..but I guess when it's right..and you know it...the are no reservations.

So stay tuned..because the wedding details are likely to be VERY juicy!!!!!