5 hours and 1 Tayler later....

So...I told Tayler to clean her room. The usual 6 hours goes by, and she finally reappears claiming that "I'm done!! It's so awesome...come look!!" ... and this is what I see.....

Pictured here is Tayler...and her idea of "cleaning her room."

What you see here is her 5'wide 1.5' deep metal and glass shelving unit, shoved into her 5' wide 2' deep closet, which she proudly refers to as "her store!!"

How, you ask, did she manage to fanagle and shove this shelving unit into her closet? .. this my friends, like many many of the 3 million things Tayler will do in order to keep from doing what she is currently SUPPOSED to be doing, is still a mystery.

Happy Birthday Baby

Today baby...you turn..old..very old..much much older than me. Although you don't look it, and you most certainly don't act it..You are a whole decade older than me (hence the requirement for life insurance as part of our "marriage agreement"), and yes, I do plan on rubbing that in..for the rest of our lives!!

You are the most amazing man I have ever known. Yes...even though you NEVER put the toilet seat down, you couldn't put a new toilet paper roll on to save your life, you leave those fucking hangers EVERYWHERE, and you drape your wet towels on the bed, and sometimes I make you scream "Is there ANYTHING...ANYTHING that I can do right??" .. and I scream to myself " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!"...but only glare at you in response.... I STILL cannot and will NOT imagine my life without you.

And even though I may not say it out loud... every day, I say to myself.."How the hell did I get so lucky?"

You are my soul mate, my best friend, my greatest lover, my laughter, my passion, my heartbeat, my hope, my desire, my sanity, my everything.
















Happy Birthday Baby...36 days left for you to run...run FAST....before your legally bound, and I have every right to duck tape your arms and legs and stuff you deep into the closet with a gag, where you will never ever be able to get away.

I love you

D-licious

Business Time

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Dear Passengers

Dear Passengers on Airplanes,

Please take a hint when the person next to you with the blood-shot baggy eyes, that has been flying for the past 8 hours, running from terminal to terminal desperately trying to catch their flight, puts on their earphones, turns the volume ALL the way up, puts their seat back, and closes their eyes. THIS is a sign that the poor exhausted person next to you does NOT want to have an hour and a half conversation about retirement planning through modern portfolio theory. Although you are kind enough, the person next to you just wants ONE FREAKING MINUTE OF QUIET, so don't talk to her...or yourself for the ENTIRE DURATION of the god damn flight!!

Please do not bring you tattered and torn stuffed pet monkey onto an airplane, you are a grown woman at least in your forties (if not, I apologize...MAYBE you could pass for late late thirties, but that's cuttin it pretty close) .. It is also NOT necessary to explain to the public that it is in fact the very first Valentine's present EVER given to you....last year. There is probably a reason for that, and you should keep it to yourself, and leave the stuffed animal at home...maybe with a two year old, where it would be better suited.

Please remember to bring head phones. I don't give a shit how small your ears are, and how much they hurt you. WE do not want to have to sit and listen to hours of "Oh..no you di..innnt"... not all of us enjoy your taste in comedy...and not all of us want to listen to Kenny G for two mother f*ing hours. I don't make you sit on a 4 hour flight and listen to my crap...why in HELL do you find it acceptable to make EVERYONE on the plane listen to yours?.. please take a minute to contemplate the horror that flight would have been, were everyone to be as inconsiderate as you!

Please DO NOT talk animatedly with the psycho lady two seats over, when the person in the middle is trying to sleep. Please DO NOT pass pictures back and forth over the person in the middle seat, who is trying to sleep. Please DO NOT elbow the person next to you as you dig for the afore mentioned pictures in your bag. Please, dear god please....sit still and SHUT UP!!!

And last, Airplane Passengers, Young children do not typically enjoy flying on airplanes. They do not know how to pop their ears and it can be an extremely painful experience for them. These are circumstances when it is perfectly acceptable, and should be required to drug your freaking child. NyQuil works wonders. Three and a half hours of screaming is not fun for you, and is not fun for the rest of the airplane either. Next time you drag your kid on a plane, be prepared, be kind, knock her out. We won't judge you, in fact we'll praise you.

Thank you,

I'm so damn tired, and want nothing more than to just close my eyes and sleep through this flight, but can't....because you're obnoxious...D-licious

Good Bye Grandpa

My Grandpa passed away on Saturday. I had an opportunity to go and see him when I was home this past Christmas, and I chose instead to what..?? I think I saw a movie, or something equally as insignificant and stupid. Passing on what would have been my last opportunity to see him, will go down as my biggest disappointment this century. I was even fairly warned that "this may be your last chance to see him" .. but I didn't pay heed, and now I definately regret it. Don't ever pass up an opportunity to spend time with a loved one..you never know when it's the last.

My grandpa was the most fascinating and mysterious person in the world to me. Every time we went to visit him, I would marvel at his latest artistic endeavor. My grandpa was always creating. He painted, he designed buildings, he carved 3' high chess pieces from wood and intricate walking staffs, he built waterfalls in his back yard, he wrote poetry..and the list goes on. Since I myself have never wanted anything more in life, than to possess some great artist talent, I idolized my grandpa because he seemed to possess them all. My grandpa smoked cigars when I was really young, and although he quit years ago, I still think about him every time I smell one, and it's strangely uplifting and comforting.

Every year, without fail, he would send a birthday card. I moved around alot, so I was always amazed that he always tracked down my current address. He would send his latest poem inside the standard card with the "raggedy ann" painting he had done years and years ago on the front.
I kept them all in my photo album. I wanted to share one of them.

MY SONG TO YOU

When the first stars were flung into space I was there.
When the sun dies and devours the earth and the planets, I'll still be aware.
There is a nobility and goodness to all men and all women.
There is a purpose to life and that is to gain knowledge and understanding of self and others.
Love is the most important and powerful part of life.
To love and be loved is the greatest joy of all.
Man is that he might have joy and happiness.
The pain and suffering we may endure is life's way of guiding us to truth and understanding.
There is a radiance and glory to life that is available to all.
We have only to ask and it is ours.
I live. You live.
I am, therefore I shall always be that I am.
And the glory and goodness of life is ours to share forever.


Rest in peace grandpa. You were always such and tremendous inspiration to me. I love you and I'll miss you.

That Whole Bristol Situation..My Two Cents

Ok..here goes...this is my rant.

I grew up in a very right-wing, Republican and Mormon home. I was taught that if you have sex before you are married you get a one-way ticket straight to hell, you do not pass go, you do not collect $200. I was NOT taught anything about birth control, about choices, or even what the very act of sex was...I never got the sex talk..other than, "don't do it or you're damned".. and there certainly was NOT an open line of communication regarding anything of a sexual nature with any of the adults in my life.

I was pregnant at 17 too.

An while, I certainly cannot and do not blame my parents for the stupid actions I took ... it's obvious that...

Teaching abstinence does NOT WORK!

Ignorance does not keep our children, or the rest of the population from harm, in fact, it increases the chances of people doing something stupid or making ill-informed or careless decisions.

Right winged philosophy has and will continue to encourage ignorance..and that folks, is why our country is where it is today.

VOTE OBAMA!!!!!

"After Sex" talk...

R: What are you thinking about baby?

D: Ummm..I'm contemplating matter.

Silence

D: *sigh* what are YOU thinking about baby? (thinking maybe he had something profoundly romantic to say)

R: Oh, just electrons.

D: Electrons are part of matter.

R: And neutrons.

D: Neutrons are part of matter.

R: Yeah, but I'm still a deeper thinker.

D: How do you figure? I'm thinking about matter which covers a much broader spectrum than just electrons and neutrons, so I would have to say, that I am a much deeper thinker.

R: Nuh uh, I get right down into the core of the matter.

D: So you're really thinking about nuclei than.

R: Ahhhhh yea, nucleus.

D: ..................................................................You're dumb.

(Yes, we truley are THAT dorky)